Week 13 Transitions in Marriage: In-Law Relations

This week we get to look at how our birth order affects the way we view money.

I’m not sure if large families with people who are between the 2nd child and middle born and last born are just all considered middle born or if they can’t be classified. At any rate, I get to share traits and characteristics as well as ways to correct your course if you find you’re in a pitfall.  See if Bernard Paduska is accurate in your case. If you’re interested further, check out his book Till Debt Do Us Part.51D1JT4KX2L._SX317_BO1,204,203,200_

Firstborn with $$

  • Tight with money
  • Nobody knows how much they make
  • Critical of others who overspend
  • Negative and pessimistic about expenses

FIXES

  1. Bring Financial matters into open discussion
  2. Develop a financial management plan based on distributing financial responsibilities among all family members
  3. Give each member some kind of allowance to spend as they wish

Controllers have a strong desire to avoid ridicule or humiliation, so they must learn to accept their human weaknesses. A control-oriented person needs to develop the courage to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and still remain lovable.

Second-born with $$

  • Hate being controlled or told what to do
  • Want to spend money without having to be accountable for it
  • Can spend a lot of money trying to look as good as someone else
  • Think being number ONE is everything, so always try to achieve it
  • Don’t want to merely keep up with the Joneses, they want to surpass them
  • If they can’t afford it, they’ll buy it anyway

FIXES

  1. Honestly identify how much status would (or should) be good enough for you
  2. YOU CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF WHAT YOU DON’T NEED BECAUSE WHAT YOU DON’T NEED CAN NEVER SATISFY YOU.

Middle-born with $$

  • They stick to the budget (find a working budget here)
  • May feel resentful that their needs are swallowed up in the “needs of the family”
  • Will lean toward fairness for other family members
  • Can be dysfunctional in their need to please others, they do just about anything to be accepted including buying gifts/love – they’re pleasing oriented.
  • Middle born often find themselves unable to pay for their generosity
  • Usually accumulate a lot of debt trying to buy family gifts.
  • Believe they have to buy affection

FIXES

  1. “What is the merit of maintaining such a friendship?” ask yourself about friends you’re trying to be generous to or give gifts to.
  2. Realize that a need to be liked by everyone indicates a low self-esteem.
  3. Presenting yourself without gifts allows you to assess your true friendship with them.
  4. Money should allow you to care for the welfare of others, not whether they accept or reject you.

Last-born with $$

  • Used to being pampered or treated like a prince(ss).
  • Not unusual to max out credit limits
  • Last-born have a higher average total liabilities and higher-debt to income ratio than any other birth order
  • Self-indulgent
  • Fail to see difference between needs and wants
  • Procrastinate, trying to avoid consequence, they truly think it’ll go away
  • Ask for cash advances, don’t open mail (to see bills), get good at lying
  • Look for the “easy” way out – walk out on debts, move to another state, start over.
  • Often view bankruptcy as an easy way to start over.
  • View their negative financial situation as only temporary, believe their good luck is right around the corner.

FIXES

  1. Act responsibly
  2. Visualize life without creditors harassing you
  3. Visualize life without debt
  4. Increasing your income is likely more effective for you than spending less.

Reviewing these traits and fixes certainly gives me pause to reevaluate where we’re at financially and gives me something to ponder over and then act upon. I invite you to do the same.

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